Being a “pre-school skills” therapist
Owning being a “pre-school skills” therapist
During a termination a few months back a reflection came to the surface from a previous client. They were able to name the ways in which our work felt like the necessary “pre-school” to figuring out how to build a secure attachment to life: living, loving, and being in relationship with self and the world abound. I looked at them with the most warmest feeling in my heart and beamed an “ABSOLUTELY!”
My son recently started preschool, and what an honest gift to have an open door back into that intentionally prepared learning space. Preschool classrooms are bustling and beaming with eager expectation, creativity, vivid color, excitement, and expansion.
often the space where we are given the opportunity to:
learn and trace patterns of thought for the first time
jump into puddles of mud and watching the worms slink out in admiration
get lost in wonder
receive loving redirection
begin the ever-evolving process of self discovery and differentiation (e.g. the “I ams” of our identities)
experience early feelings of belongingness and safety outside the comfort of what we’ve always known
play play play!
manipulate structures with our hands (as adults, with our minds)
What an honest gift to receive this feedback
When we think of early childhood development, there is an undeniable understanding that so much framework, essential neural connections, crucial associations, and nervous system budding happens between 0-7. Our child parts matter. The hows and whats of how our child parts were tended to— or not, often become the foundation to the ways we learn to survive—those survival skills becoming the focal points of our personality and guidebook to what we seek out for internal feelings of safety and regulation.
Their words summed up what I always struggled to find words to explain to folks in the difficult throws of the therapeutic/healing process or simply just nervous to begin. I couldn't think of a better way to explain the true power of long-term clinical relationships and the beautiful evolution that happens year after year in the container of the therapy room.
I am a therapist who remains deeply concerned and committed to understanding the foundation the roots of who my clients are. The surface blooms are interesting but digging in the dirt to trace and feel the winding root system of the how of the who, is so so special to me.
Helping folks do and be in relationships better are the warm bread and delicious butter of my work.
What does it mean to help folks do relationships better? It often looks like centering the unique, special, one-of-a-kind relationship between my clients and I. The relationship we share is often the most powerful intervention for any presenting concern. The therapeutic relationship provides a nourishing base to:
Rewire attachment associations
Secure attachment boiled completley down is a deep belly trust. It is a trust that we can be our most honest and complicated selves with someone and the love they have for us will remain the same. Secure attachment is often built layer by layer in the mundane/everyday/week to week, conversations and vulnerability we soften into. We test and tiptoe and we eventually walk confidently into. Clinically a secure attachment with a therapist often leads clients who have experienced inconsistent, abusive, complicated patterns in their personal histories to deepen into safety and comfort. Clients are often able to mirror this confidence, safety, and comfort around intimacy in their other relationships as well.
Build consistent habits
I meet with clients every week or every other week for a minimum of 6 months to 1 year. I am in it for the long haul! Therapy is a penciled off and protected time in both of our schedules and if making the time is difficult, clients learn how to actively advocate for themselves within their relationships, at work, etc to make the time.
Feel safe to rupture and repair while in secure relationship with another soul
Being in a long term therapeutic relationship has a number of benefits! My favorite is the way we sustain a co-conspirator to accountability. Our therapist becomes the person who sees us, hears us, and is just as invested in our growth as we are. They are often able to point out the shadowy corners we refuse to look at and give us the space to show up for ourselves through holding the flashlight up and alongside us as we journey.
Having conflict is a normal and healthy part of any emotionally intimate relationship. At the core of conflict is a bid of connection/ expression of an unmet need. When we feel safe and secure with our therapist we can then begin to associate feelings of internal safety with vulnerability and emotional honesty. Being called in/out from both sides, is essential. We are in this together.
Have you been thinking about therapy or curious where to begin? Lets connect, I offer free 15 minute consultations and I would love to answer any questions you may have and see if we would be a good fit.
take care!
with love from ya favorite ‘preschool’ skills teaching therapist,
C