Blog 5: Compartmentalization

Blog 5: Switching off the backburner: (de) compartmentalizing feelings 

Happy New Year! There is an ever present lifting of energy buzzing around the city that is hard to miss. This energy manifesting either as an additional pep in our step, rejuvenated vision, a laser focus on our goals, or determination to embody lessons learned. Change + newness is in the air! I’ve been having an amazing time opening and holding space for clients as 2019 came to a close, and something that has been persistent in my work with folks has been the concept of compartmentalization of feelings, emotions, thoughts, or words.  As I reflect on 2019 and get acclimated to the terrain 2020, I wanted to hopefully give language to, open up space for, begin to facilitate discussion around this concern to welcome and make a plea for healing.

What does it mean to compartmentalize? 

Compartmentalizing is simply the ability and propensity to place certain things in categorizes. According to the Merriam Dictionary, similar words are: pigeon hole, label, bracket, and seperate.

The concept and proclivity to compartmentalize manifests differently across different situations. Perhaps one compartmentalizes their true identity when they go into work, like: sharing limited details of personal life, keeping work about work, not maintaining relationships outside of the office, etc. Or perhaps one may decide and take on the task of placing their true feelings in a carefully buried pigeon hole when in a confrontation with a loved one to ease tension and arguments. Even yet, one may feel unable to fully express themselves/ be heard/ feel seen and decide to (separate) their feelings from their affect and place them on the backburner…… because, no one is listening anyways, and who cares, right? Wrong. As we have discussed in previous blogposts, the body keeps ultimate score, and consistently placing your concerns in a different container has deep and long lasting ramifications.

What is interesting about all of these examples is that the identities, the feelings, the emotions, the ideas, and the truth of self are still there. Maybe it is buried, seperated, or simmering on low—but they exist.

Sometimes when explaining embodied realitties such as compartmentalization, it’s best to tell through story. So—picture yourself in a kitchen. You made some delicious sauce. As preparing and dealing with the pressing issues of the other components to your dinner (i.e. the pasta, the bread, the wine, the table settings, the tension between parents, etc). You seperate your sauce from the forefront of your mind, and place it on the backburner to slowly simmer..cook low… slow… add some seasoning...cover… and return to it when you are ready. At times we compartmentalize and place situations, people, feelings on the backburner. They are still simmering and cooking low in our hearts and minds. We may throw some seasoning in when the idea of it/them pop into our mind, but we place the lid back on, and continue on dealing with other pressing matters.

The true question: what have you placed on the backburner?

As we lean into the new year, lets lean into taking inventory of what is truly simmering on the stoves of our minds, hearts, bellies, thoughts. Is it time to eat? Throwaway? Change our diets? 

(1) Take a look at the “stove”

What are the areas of your life you feel triggered/ignited/frustrated/saddened/anxious when you think about? That one ex from 2 years ago—why did they leave that way? The way your grandmother talked to you/invalidated your emotions? Why did she silence me that way? Really take a look. Take of lids. Peer inside. Pick up a spoon, take a taste. 

(2) Make Space 

In order to move thoughts, emotions, situations to the forefront of our minds, we need to make space on the front burners. Take time to get serious about seeking out a therapist and committing to consistent and weekly therapy. Bring up your feelings in session. Pick some time to get still and quiet, and sit with what has been going on. To move backburner emotions to the front, there has to space on the stove or rather, our hearts to do so. 

(3) Assess Your Taste Palate  

Now that you have looked at the stove and made space, get tasting!  Get messy with delving into the simmering thoughts, relationships, and emotions. Perhaps your taste has changed? Perhaps what was once a sweet memory has now shifted to bitter or what was bitter has now simmered out to sweet (due to being in therapy, learning skills, coping, etc). Taste. In the act of doing so, you rupture the compartmentalization, seperation, tucked away positions of your feelings and emotions and bring them to the forefront.

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The point of de(compartmentalizing) is to ignite the process of getting aligned with self, self in relationships, self in love, self that is healing… you. It takes time and commitment to get real about what has been incessantly simmering on the stoves of our hearts and minds. As we lean into this new year, riding the waves of lifted energy, focus, and hope— I urge you to ride the wave of commitment to self and commitment to alignment with the highest points of self. Dig the buried stuff out the pigeon holes, open up the lids, and disorganize the neatly placed and separated.

Rupture to get aligned. 

**I would be remiss, if I did not note: decompartmentalization is an intimate and deeply complex process and I encourage you to begin such in the care and comfort of a trained mental health practitioner**

With light,

C